My Inner Child Is All Panicky

So I have to confess--I really don't like dressing up for Halloween. Oh, sure, I get a kick out of other people doing it. And I really enjoy watching Eric dress up, he just loves the whole idea of being someone else, if just for a little while. But not me.

No, when I was a child my mother had me dress up as a clown for the Halloween party in Nursery School. Yes, I know, that's been 34 years now, but the memory is still vividly etched in my memory. I don't blame my mom, really. Actually, it's all those years of group process in seminary that have helped me realize what this is all about. This loathing of having myself dress up for Halloween, that is.

Not to go too overboard in psychobabble territory, but really my inner child can't take it! Why is that, you ask? Well, for the better part of my life one of my big issues has been trying to figure out who I am. And having reached a point where I don't question my identity the whole idea of taking on another identity, even if it's just for an evening at church with a loving group of kids and adults is just too much for me.

And so I'll have to endure an evening of being the sour-puss, the party-pooper, the pour sport, etc. But as I do so I'll be myself. Even if my inner child is squirming and wanting to be left alone.